Personal Reflection

           I enjoyed writing this blog because it was a creative perspective on a very serious problem.  As I pulled information from anti-gay journals and the interview with the Westboro church members it was fueling the anger that I have towards ignorance in this world.  I drew inspiration from the events in Flag Wars and I thought the fictional blog about anti-gay hatred was a good way to specify personal feelings and experiences I felt would logically come from living in Olde Town East at that time.  All the images were retrieved from Google, but the interviews are cited.

            I will personally never understand those who are so close-minded about differing beliefs.  Just like I incorporated in the blog posts- the scariest part to me is that children are being convinced that this is the way life should be. 

            With each amendment and law passed allowing gay marriage and gay rights I think it is a huge challenge to the status quo.  Too long we have let individuals suffer silently, afraid to be themselves. 

            I think that this class was extremely positive exposure to issues and ideas that I would have never been familiar with otherwise.  I found pleasure in books of genres previously untouched by me.  I think the most important part of this class that I will take away is the importance of education on serious issues.  I follow issues of gender and sexuality in the news now and I can uphold an intelligent and meaningful conversation because I have logic and evidence to back me up. 

            The one thing that will create change is the elimination of ignorance.  

Time for Change

July 2000

There was a protest at the State House the other day.  Men, women and children were fighting together against gay rights.  The most frightening sight I saw that day was a little boy hanging two Ken Barbie dolls in a makeshift noose, portraying the dolls death as a punishment for their homosexuality. 

Three men were dressed up in Ku Klux Klan outfits and the gay flag was torn down from flying alongside the American flag.  Angie and I have been talking about options for when we decide is the right time to expand our family, but what kind of world am I bringing a child into?  What kind of country that has faced so much historical discrimination and hardships let history repeat itself again and again. 

The part that I don’t think that everyone understands is just because it is not a racial issue does not depreciate the importance.  We let others target one group and they fight and hopefully but always overcome the obstacles and then it’s on to the next.  I feel like it’s a firing line and we, minorities or individuals that differ slightly from the norm are lined up awaiting our fates.

Sometimes I feel like we are fighting a hopeless battle.  After the gays prove they are worthy to the general public should we target the redheads because they are a minority and different from the rest?  The concept that because I choose to have a relationship with the same sex and others don’t agree with that causes bullying which leads to deaths across this country is outrageous.  How much unnecessary pain is caused by hatred?  How many people are out there deathly afraid to be themselves because it actually might mean death for them?

I will never understand.  I challenge you to open your ears and your mind to the differences that make this country wonderful.  We are not all cookie-cutter citizens and what fun would that be anyways?

A World of Hate

June 27, 2000

I followed up with the story of Shirley Phelps- I couldn’t get it out of my head and I wanted to see if any media attention had come of it. 

It got me thinking about the status quo of this world.  Why is it accepted and goes without reprimanding that gays experience such violent and emotionally exhausting circumstances?  Discrimination is no different and any less horrific for gays and it is for racial minorities as it is for gender.  SO WHY DO WE LET IT HAPPEN?  It seems like such an easy solution- stop the hate.  Just stop.  Let each individual paint their own maps for their own lives.  Let me walk to the beat of my own drummer and I will not try and silence the beat you follow.

Each person wants to be comforted by the fact that they believe what they are doing is right.  They sleep soundly knowing that they carried out their day in a way that fulfills and promotes their ideals and beliefs.  The problem does arise when we have differing opinions.  The problem is complete rejection and lack of respect for ANYTHING that challenges your personal view.  I may not agree with you but I will listen to you.  How hard is that to say?

I found some additional information pertaining to Shirley Phelps and the message she believes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50r0CnKq7_k&feature=related

She is the leader of the Westboro Baptist church that believes as stated from the video “because our country allows homosexuality, abortion and divorce, all Americans are going to hell”.  The interviewer plays with the son of a member of the church.  Who goes to hell he asks the boy? -“Gay, faggots and hundreds and hundreds of Jews”.  All this coming from a second grade boy. 

The church not only protests against gays but ANYONE who is not in their church is going to hell.  Children are taught at a young age that this is the message of God and that if you are not a Westboro Baptist there is no way you can be a good person or be loved by God. 

Any questioning or challenging of these beliefs will cause immediate rejection and removal of all ties to your family and the church.  It is a sad world these messages are creating.   

Invitations and Insults

June 20, 2000

We are planning a cookout and invited the entire neighborhood.  It was a beautiful day so Angie and I took a walk and delivered invitations to our new neighbors and we hoped potential friends.  For the most part it was well received and people seemed excited to come over and asked what they could bring.  Of course I had to tell them that Angie would be cooking for about 300 because she all too often gets carried away with parties but anything would be appreciated! 

When we went to Seth’s house to tell them about our festivities they seemed like they were upset about something.  We sat on the porch; sipped some sweet tea and they shared with us their first negative experience in Olde Town East.  Apparently they were at the grocery store and an older African-American couple approached them and asked if they were part of the “homos that were taking over their neighborhood”.  Seth took it with a grain of salt and laughed and said that yes, they were in fact those crazy gay guys who were lucky enough to find a home together in such a wonderful place.  The couple glared and told them it was a lot more wonderful without all the homos coming in and changing everything.  Seth tried to stay calm and said “Maybe its time for a little change around here”.  The parting words from the disapproving couple were “Maybe its time for you and all the rest of them homos to leave and go straight to hell”. 

We all sat and discussed how this made us feel.  For me, the most disheartening part was the fact that African-Americans have historically been discriminated against and have experienced hatred.  To imagine that a group that has overcome so much prejudice would promote further hatred towards another minority group is mind-blowing to me.  Since when did life become every man for himself? 

A few days later I overheard two African-American gentlemen talking at our town meeting about how he removed his son from one first grade class into another because the teacher was rumored to be gay.  The man was adamant about defending his opinion and went as far as to say that even though the gay teacher was by far the better teacher- he wasn’t going to let his only son suffer and have to endure an entire academic year with a gay for a teacher. 

Why would that child be considered to be suffering?  I think that people honestly sometimes believe that all gay people are these flamboyant individuals who are contagious and want to convince every other people to be gay too.  In reality, we want to get our eggs at the grocery store and go to work Monday-Friday and have kids and share memories with the people we love.  How is that any different that a same-sex couple?

This neighborhood is challenging me to have patience but it also creating a strong will and fire in me.  I will not let anyone tell me who I should be.

Shirley Phelps

June 12, 2000

I can’t understand the ignorance that people in this world possess.  Take a look at this video I was just sent::

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hI1mO2eeTY

It is a recording of a woman on Fox News who interviews the leader of a church that is against homosexuality.  The reason for the interview was a protest that this woman led at a funeral of fallen soldier.  The protest was happening during and at the location of the funeral- as the Marine’s family and friends were in complete mourning and grief.  These kids of actions make me absolutely sick.  If there is ever a time to silence differences it is in a time of loss.  This woman, Shirley Phelps states that she is glad for the fallen soldiers and the terrorist against that we have had on our country.  She finds them positive and deserved and that they are all damned to hell.  Phelps continues on to tell the news anchor that she has sinned away her day of grace for even considering anti-gay thoughts as the slightest skewed or incorrect. 

The part that makes me the most worked up about this video is the complete ignorance and irony that she is claiming.  Most anti-gay groups, especially the religious ones, claim to be a child of a merciful and ever-loving God and yet preach and promote absolute rejection and hatred. 

After having the conversation with Kip about the camp he attended- this video could not have surfaced at a more emotionally appropriate time for me.  I have been trying to figure out what grows this deep emotional hate for the gay community.  It benefits absolutely no one to be filled with such ill feelings.  It is always one word against the next and no one is any more right.

 I think I have been naïve in thinking that Columbus would be completely accepting of the gay movement.  

Christian Camps and Crazy People

June 6, 2000

Well we just had our first meeting with the zone enforcement officer about what exactly we need to do to bring our first humble abode up to city codes.  Our real-estate agent’s name was Nina and she was an absolute pleasure to work with.  She introduced us to a few of the other gay couples that had moved in within the last year.  They all had wonderful things to say about their homes and the people they hung out with.  We have been hanging around with this couple Kip and Carl- just their names together make me smile.  They have the most positive attitudes in the world considering the struggles they have faced. 

When Kip was 15 his parents sent him to Christian camp for a summer that was structured and organized to “straighten kids out”**.  The camp claimed that the devil possesses those who “experience homosexual tendencies” but reassured parents that they would be able to rid the child of any inappropriate thoughts or desires.  Each morning they woke up, Kip told us, and it was proclaimed that their bodies, souls and minds were being destroyed by the devil.  The camp wanted to “help” the children to “seek the path of freedom- away from the poisons of the homosexual demons”.  They had to pray for salvation for hours a day because the leaders of the camp would say that any prayer that was not sincere would not be answered.  They called it “homosexual demonic slavery”- convincing the children that the feelings they were having were purely the devil’s presence and captivity the demons had over their minds and actions.

I laid awake for nights after this conversation letting all the information process in my mind.  Children are incredibly impressionable and to convince their minds that they are possessed is inarguably cruel.  To think that these Christian leaders will go on and teach future generations complete and total hatred for the gay community paints and ugly future for our country.  I can understand and respect a level of discomfort around homosexuals, but I can never and will never justify to front with those who preach such awful messages.  I hope, for my future children’s sake, that the people upholding such ignorant beliefs try and educate themselves and instead preach the love and acceptance that a merciful God would encourage.

*Information inspired by the message the following article conveys: http://www.homewardboundjournal.com/. In no way does this article reflect my opinions- I wanted to find information that an anti-gay would provide to convince against homosexuality.

Coming Out and Moving On

June 3, 2000

When we were considering moving into this neighborhood, I was concerned about the potential and assumed imminent trouble with the other residents in the area and that we, the gay community, would be rejected.  I wanted to challenge Angie and myself to take on a new city with new neighbors and come in open minded with a clean slate.  I hope we can be the future and the inspiration for a lot of the community members here.  It was by no means and as acceptance but I am happier than I ever have been.  Coming out to my family was the easiest part of the hardest battle I have ever brought upon myself. 

I tried for so long to “de-gay” myself.  I had boyfriends all through high school but I always felt like they were my best friends and nothing more.  I dated this girl secretly for two years- she was on the swim team with me and we were “best friends” to the general public.  Every time we would travel to another city we would be bunked together in the hotel but the second the alarm went off the next morning for our meets it was like absolutely nothing had happened hours before.  It was the most emotionally draining experience I have ever had to endure.  I went on to swim at the University of Michigan on scholarship and at that point I was too tired of waking up every day and lying to myself.  I hated that for 20 years I had been playing a character that wasn’t me.  One night I came home for Thanksgiving break after my freshman year at school. I sat down with my dad and he looked at me and said “Carrie, life isn’t a dress rehearsal.  You only get one chance- so do it right.”  He patted me on the shoulder and walked inside to get my little cousins ready for bed. 

There have never been explicit words exchanged that I am gay and he is okay with it, but he knows and I know and we are both comfortable with that.